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Did You Hear About This? The Giants Have Two Players Named Eli, And They Traded The Wrong Freakin' One! Did You Hear About This? The Giants Have Two Players Named Eli, And They Traded The Wrong Freakin' One!

Today, the New York Giants traded Eli ... cornerback Eli Apple, that is. Ah, did you think it’d be their once-great, now-disintegrating quarterback Eli Manning? Don’t you look like an ass, now! It was in fact their underwhelming defensive player, who’s going to the Saints for some late picks.

The Bills Did Not Get The Derek Anderson Renaissance, But They'll Give It Another Shot The Bills Did Not Get The Derek Anderson Renaissance, But They'll Give It Another Shot

Bills quarterback Nathan Peterman was so dreadful last week, the team had to bench him for 35-year-old Derek Anderson, who hadn’t started a game since 2016 but was the only remaining healthy QB on the roster, for Sunday’s contest against the Colts. Ah, but therein lies a conundrum: When Derek Anderson starts and is…

Western Kentucky Found One Of The Strangest Ways To Lose A Football Game Western Kentucky Found One Of The Strangest Ways To Lose A Football Game

Unless you’re a fan of either team, or are Tim Burke, you were most likely not watching Saturday night’s college football game between one-win schools Western Kentucky and Old Dominion. You missed a nutty finish!

Justin Tucker's First Career Missed Extra Point Came At The Worst Possible Moment

Oh man, Justin Tucker pulled a John Carney. He pulled a damn John Carney against the team that had experienced a John Carney!

Eric Reid Calls Malcolm Jenkins A "Sellout" And "Neo-Colonialist" After Panthers Win Eric Reid Calls Malcolm Jenkins A "Sellout" And "Neo-Colonialist" After Panthers Win

Panthers safety Eric Reid’s visible beef with Eagles safety Malcolm Jenkins in today’s game was indeed for the expected reasons. After Philly collapsed and Carolina took the 21-17 victory, Reid was at first hesitant to explain why he exchanged words with Jenkins during the pregame coin toss, but then he kind of…

Eric Reid Tries To Settle A Score With Malcolm Jenkins In Panthers-Eagles Coin Toss, Scuffles With Zach Ertz Eric Reid Tries To Settle A Score With Malcolm Jenkins In Panthers-Eagles Coin Toss, Scuffles With Zach Ertz

Carolina Panthers safety Eric Reid is grateful to finally have a job, and he’s also grateful to be on a football field so he can act on a grudge. Reid has a history with Eagles safety Malcolm Jenkins, and got in his face before today’s game started.

Yasiel Puig Homered, Crotch-Chopped, And Enjoyed Himself In Game 7 Yasiel Puig Homered, Crotch-Chopped, And Enjoyed Himself In Game 7

With his go-ahead two-run homer in Game 7, Cody Bellinger was a deserving NLCS MVP, but Yasiel Puig ribbed him for a perceived snub.

Ohio State Was Thoroughly Spanked Ohio State Was Thoroughly Spanked

This was near the end of the devastation, but here’s a perfect example of how Purdue kicked Ohio State’s ass Saturday night:

Brandon Ingram Shoves James Harden; Rajon Rondo Brawls With Chris Paul [UPDATES] Brandon Ingram Shoves James Harden; Rajon Rondo Brawls With Chris Paul [UPDATES]

Somehow, the events that led to this fistfight started out with wayward bozo Lance Stephenson as one of the players trying to keep the peace. When Houston’s 124-115 win was still a one-point game Saturday night, Lakers forward Brandon Ingram shoved Rockets guard James Harden in the back after a foul. As Stephenson and…

The Jaguars Don't Want To Wait For Their Hamstrung Running Back The Jaguars Don't Want To Wait For Their Hamstrung Running Back

Jaguars running back Leonard Fournette lasted for about one half in the team’s season opener before he injured his hamstring. He missed two games, returned for Week 4 against the Jets, and hurt his hamstring again. After being ruled out for Sunday, Fournette will now miss three straight games. Jacksonville’s…

David Price Finally Broke His Postseason Hex David Price Finally Broke His Postseason Hex

Unfair or deserved, David Price has a reputation for pitching like butt in the playoffs. Before tonight, he was winless in 11 postseason starts since 2011. In Game 2 against the Astros, he had to settle for the “team win” when he was pulled after 4.2 innings and didn’t factor into the decision for Boston’s 7-5…

The Arizona Cardinals Are Toilet Soup The Arizona Cardinals Are Toilet Soup

Von Miller called his shot earlier this week when he said his team would kick the Arizona Cardinals’ asses. The Broncos, who had lost four straight, had planned to take out their frustrations in tonight’s game. The hopeless bird men were happy to oblige.

Markelle Fultz Is Still Struggling, But He Finally Made A Three Markelle Fultz Is Still Struggling, But He Finally Made A Three

The Sixers didn’t really need Markelle Fultz to play well in tonight’s 127-108 blowout of the Bulls, which was good, because something’s clearly still affecting him. He finally made his first career three-pointer, though, and it made for a nice little moment. The Philly crowd celebrated like they’d traded for a…

Don't Fall In Love With Ted Cruz, Or You'll Live An Unfulfilled Life

Presumably this Heidi Cruz profile, by Elaina Plott at The Atlantic, was written in an effort to provide some sort of human element to Ted Cruz’s re-election campaign, as he is incapable of doing that himself. Instead, it came off as a dire warning of what will happen to a person’s life if they fuck and fall in love…

Report: Los Angeles Will Be Saddled With The Chargers For At Least 20 Years Report: Los Angeles Will Be Saddled With The Chargers For At Least 20 Years

The Los Angeles Chargers are currently in a tiny stadium that can max out its capacity at 27,000. They’ve become a concern for the league’s other owners in terms of viability. Also, no one really cares about them since their true fanbase is in San Diego. But here’s some relief: They’ll be locked into L.A. for a…

David Ortiz Went Nuts In The Studio For Jackie Bradley Jr.'s Grand Slam

A transcript to the best of our abilities, for the hearing impaired, can be found below:

With Josh Allen Hurt, The Bills Will Start Not Nathan Peterman With Josh Allen Hurt, The Bills Will Start Not Nathan Peterman

Rookie quarterback Josh Allen has an elbow injury, and bad quarterback Nathan Peterman shit his ass last Sunday, so the Bills will now turn to old quarterback Derek Anderson for their Week 7 game against the Colts.

Jon Gruden Is A Broken Man Jon Gruden Is A Broken Man

The Raiders were soundly defeated this Sunday, like most Sundays, and in today’s press conference head coach Jon Gruden looked like his team played. He used to get excited about play-action passes to the fullback and pool noodles. Now he’s visorless and haggard as he announces to the assembled press that the 1-5…

The Texans' Red-Zone Offense Is Enough Of A Reason To Fire Bill O'Brien The Texans' Red-Zone Offense Is Enough Of A Reason To Fire Bill O'Brien

Bill O’Brien is a head coach who specializes in offense. In his two seasons at Penn State, he made the most of Matt McGloin and turned Christian Hackenberg into a competent quarterback. He even fooled the Jets into using a second-round pick on the latter. Before that, O’Brien had a role in the Patriots’ offense,…

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