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Minor League Baseball Announcer Calls His Own Sweet Catch: "I Am Very Proud Of Myself!" Minor League Baseball Announcer Calls His Own Sweet Catch: "I Am Very Proud Of Myself!"

In a minor league game between the Somerset Patriots and the High Point Rockers Wednesday night, a foul ball was spun back into the crowd, in the direction of the open window of Patriots broadcaster Marc Schwartz. Schwartz, who appears to be very good at his job while possessing the reflexes of a cat, did his…

Padres' Ian Kinsler Appears To Celebrate Dinger By Yelling "Fuck All You" At The Home Crowd Padres' Ian Kinsler Appears To Celebrate Dinger By Yelling "Fuck All You" At The Home Crowd

Ian Kinsler hit a three-run dinger in the sixth inning Thursday night to put his Padres up a run, 4–3, over the visiting Pittsburgh Pirates. That’s good, dingers are cool, who among us doesn’t get pumped and jacked by a mighty dinger? Do you want to get pumped and jacked? Feast your eyes on this sucker:

Trail Blazers Solve Many Of Game 1's Problems, Still Narrowly Fall To The Warriors Trail Blazers Solve Many Of Game 1's Problems, Still Narrowly Fall To The Warriors

The Portland Trail Blazers made a real contest out of Game 2 of their Western Conference Finals series against the Golden State Warriors. After getting blown out in Game 1, head coach Terry Stots rejiggered his lineups and—thank God—his defensive approach, and the result was a 15-point halftime lead. But for as much…

Big Sleepy Boy Mike Francesa Conks Out On The Air Yet Again

My friends, it has happened again. For at least the third time, reluctant sports grouch Mike Francesa dozed off on the air. There are two ways you can be sure this is Francesa conking out: first, look at him, the microphone pushes his glasses an inch up his face before a hypnic jerk yanks him back to the land of the…

Former WWE Wrestler Ashley Massaro Dead At 39 Former WWE Wrestler Ashley Massaro Dead At 39

WWE announced Thursday evening the death of former WWE performer Ashley Massaro, who wrestled for the company for three years after winning a 2005 “Raw Diva Search.” Massaro competed for the WWE Women’s Championship at Wrestlemania 23 back in 2007, and recently appeared to be gearing up for a return to wrestling:

Recommitted Cardinals Star Patrick Peterson Hit With Six-Game PED Suspension Recommitted Cardinals Star Patrick Peterson Hit With Six-Game PED Suspension

Arizona Cardinals all-world cornerback Patrick Peterson has been suspended by the NFL for the first six games of the 2019-20 regular season, for violation of the league’s policy on performance enhancing substances. According to Mike Garafolo of NFL Network, Peterson’s suspension includes four games for testing…

Brook Lopez Leads The Bucks Over Kyle Lowry And The Raptors, Just As We All Saw Coming

In an epic matchup of global basketball superstars, Brook Lopez led his top-seeded Milwaukee Bucks over Kyle Lowry and the second-seeded Toronto Raptors, 108–100, in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals. Lowry led the Raptors to an early lead and kept them in front for the first three quarters, but in the fourth…

Tragic Hero Trevor Cahill Pays Dearly For Runaway Ambition

Wednesday afternoon the Angels lost a close one to the Minnesota Twins, 8–7. Angels pitcher Trevor Cahill took the loss, allowing six earned runs in 4.1 innings pitched, so right there you already know it wasn’t his best day. The defining moment of Cahill’s lousy outing, and certainly the most regrettable one, came in…

Pascal Siakam Reduces "Splash Mountain" To Rubble With Savage Dunk Pascal Siakam Reduces "Splash Mountain" To Rubble With Savage Dunk

Seems like Bucks scrapper Ersan Ilyasova thought he’d have more help in the paint when he overplayed the right hand of Raptors forward Pascal Siakam, in the first quarter of Wednesday night’s Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals. In an unfortunate coincidence, it seems like Bucks center Brook “Splash Mountain”…

Enjoy Or Actively Loathe True Psycho Chris Paddack While You Still Can Enjoy Or Actively Loathe True Psycho Chris Paddack While You Still Can

San Diego Padres rookie pitcher Chris Paddack got roughed up in his start Tuesday against the Dodgers, needing 92 pitches to get through 4.2 innings, surrendering six runs, and taking the loss. Beyond reinforcing that the Dodgers lineup is a beast—they lead the National League in runs, slugging, and OPS—this was…

Rockies Strike Out 24 Times, Still Manage To Beat Red Sox Rockies Strike Out 24 Times, Still Manage To Beat Red Sox

Tuesday night the Colorado Rockies became the third team since 1908 to strike out at least 24 times in a major league game and also win. They did it by beating the Boston Red Sox in extra innings, 5–4, on a game-winning RBI single from Mark Reynolds, who knows a thing or two about striking out a lot.

Steph Curry Reminds The Trail Blazers Just How Terrifying He Can Be Steph Curry Reminds The Trail Blazers Just How Terrifying He Can Be

Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals had a familiar look for anyone who’s watched many Golden State Warriors home games during the Steph Curry era. The Warriors held the tough and determined Trail Blazers at a comfortable arm’s length for most of the night, and then just sort of cruised out of view by the final…

A Certain Beefy Young Blue Jay Finally Socked His First Major-League Dinger, And It Was A Beaut [Update] A Certain Beefy Young Blue Jay Finally Socked His First Major-League Dinger, And It Was A Beaut [Update]

Holding to the principle that if a person doesn’t have anything nice to say they should say nothing at all, there hasn’t been a whole lot to say about Vlad Guerrero Jr. since his call up to the majors back on April 26. Entering Tuesday night, Vlad had played in 13 Blue Jays games, and was slashing a rather dismal…

The NBA Would've Been Better Off Rigging The Draft Lottery The NBA Would've Been Better Off Rigging The Draft Lottery

The NBA’s new odds format did the job of scrambling the draft order. Four teams played especially horrendous basketball last season, and of those four teams, three were bounced out of the draft’s top four selections. This was satisfying. The Cavaliers, represented by Nick Gilbert, dropped to fifth, where their prize…

Report: Colts Assistant's Home Shot Dozens Of Times By Eight Unknown Gunmen Report: Colts Assistant's Home Shot Dozens Of Times By Eight Unknown Gunmen

Here’s a weird and frightening offseason NFL story: The unoccupied home of Indianapolis Colts assistant Parks Frazier was reportedly shot dozens of times by a group of as many as eight unknown gunmen, according to a story from RTV6 in Indianapolis.

Shohei Ohtani's Raw Dinger Power Survived Tommy John Surgery Shohei Ohtani's Raw Dinger Power Survived Tommy John Surgery

Shohei Ohtani returned to the Angels lineup on May 7, following a lengthy recovery from offseason Tommy John surgery. He has not pitched and will not return to the mound this season, but he’s been back in the middle of the Angels lineup now for six of their last seven games, in time for the Angels to put together a…

Report: U.S. Navy Cracks Case Of Majestic Sky Dick Report: U.S. Navy Cracks Case Of Majestic Sky Dick

The gigantic contrail dick that graced the skies over Washington state’s Okanogan County in November 2017 was, it has long been known, the work of some number of pilots out of Naval Air Station Whidbey Island. After all, the Navy immediately apologized for the celestial dong, describing it as “unacceptable” and “of…

Disqualified Kentucky Derby Jockey Hit With Suspension For "Failure To Control His Mount" Disqualified Kentucky Derby Jockey Hit With Suspension For "Failure To Control His Mount"

While disgraced horse Maximum Security seeks justice in the courts following his disqualification in the Kentucky Derby for unruly racing, his jockey, a man named Luis Saez, has been suspended by the Kentucky Horse Racing Commission for “failure to control his mount and make the proper effort to maintain a straight…

Dennis Rodman Accused Of Stealing, Destroying Yoga Studio's 400-Pound Amethyst Crystal Dennis Rodman Accused Of Stealing, Destroying Yoga Studio's 400-Pound Amethyst Crystal

Having personally brokered peace for all time between the U.S. government and North Korea, basketball Hall of Famer and all-around goof Dennis Rodman spends his time nowadays, among other things, being accused of stealing 400-pound amethyst crystals from Orange County, California yoga studios.

Losing-Ass Rockets, At Long Last, Please Remove Yourselves To The Fraud Bin Immediately Losing-Ass Rockets, At Long Last, Please Remove Yourselves To The Fraud Bin Immediately

I’m sure most Rockets fans are lovely people. The Rockets have a fine basketball organization, as creative and nimble and determined as any in the NBA. And James Harden genuinely is one of the most unstoppable offensive players in modern basketball history. Now. Can that team please get all the way out of my face,…

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