Katie McDonough's posts - English uPOST

Robert Mueller Went Ahead and Filed His Report  Robert Mueller Went Ahead and Filed His Report 

After many, many false starts, Special Counsel Robert Mueller has finally filed his report on whether or not the Trump campaign coordinated with the Russian government during the 2016 presidential election, according to a Justice Department spokesperson. The investigation, which concluded Friday, was also concerned…

Running for President of Your Freshman Philosophy Class  Running for President of Your Freshman Philosophy Class 

Check your calendars because it’s cry time.

Elizabeth Holmes's Fake Voice Is Actually Just 'Stupid Man' Voice  Elizabeth Holmes's Fake Voice Is Actually Just 'Stupid Man' Voice 

There are so many ways to consume the rise and fall of Elizabeth Holmes, the founder of scam blood-testing company Theranos and Steve Jobs cosplayer: you can return to the archives of the Wall Street Journal for its formative reporting on the company, read the book that journalist John Carreyrou wrote after breaking…

President Trump Definitely Would Have Done the Fake Water Polo College Scam, Right? President Trump Definitely Would Have Done the Fake Water Polo College Scam, Right?

There isn’t a doubt in my mind. Anyway, time to cry.

Jeff Bezos Once Sent Gwyneth Paltrow an Email With the Subject 'Jeff Bezos' Jeff Bezos Once Sent Gwyneth Paltrow an Email With the Subject 'Jeff Bezos'

It’s South by Southwest time again, a festival that is pretty much like Davos except with maybe four good people also in attendance. During a panel there on Monday morning, Gwyneth Paltrow talked about Goop, the “painful lesson” of making false medical claims, and how Jeff Bezos once wrote her an email with the…

'The Mother' and Alabama's Baby Roe Case  'The Mother' and Alabama's Baby Roe Case 

According to Ryan Magers, the lawsuit he filed against the Alabama clinic where his girlfriend had a medication abortion in 2017 is about more than just him. “I’m here for the men who actually want to have their baby,” the 19-year-old told local ABC affiliate WAAY 31. “Even though there’s nothing I can do for the…

Also Not Ran Also Not Ran

Tuesday? Cry time with a brand new union contract.

You Don't Have to Like Bernie Sanders to Like Bernie Sanders  You Don't Have to Like Bernie Sanders to Like Bernie Sanders 

I remember when I first realized I didn’t really like Bernie Sanders, which felt different from when I first realized that I didn’t always like his politics. It was that viral moment from a campaign event in early 2016 when a small bird landed on his podium: he laughed as if it meant something, the crowd laughed as if…

West Virginia Teachers Will Fuck With You If You Fuck With Them  West Virginia Teachers Will Fuck With You If You Fuck With Them 

I thought it was Monday but actually it’s Tuesday. Time to cry!

Bernie's Running Again   Bernie's Running Again  

Bernie Sanders is running for president for a second time, baby. In an email sent to supporters on Tuesday morning, the Vermont senator wrote:

System of a Shutdown  System of a Shutdown 

Remember System of a Down? Also, what do you all think about renaming this Ennui Bag? Let’s discuss in the comments.

Does President Trump Have a Finger Up His Butt at This Very Moment?  Does President Trump Have a Finger Up His Butt at This Very Moment? 

President Trump, a 72-year-old man, is due for his annual physical exam on Friday, which will be performed at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center by Dr. Sean Conley, a Naval officer.

'Bandaid on a Gaping Wound': Treating Colds, Trauma, and Uncertainty at the Border  'Bandaid on a Gaping Wound': Treating Colds, Trauma, and Uncertainty at the Border 

There are currently thousands of people in Tijuana waiting to enter the United States so that they can apply for asylum. Because the Trump administration is tightly controlling the number of people who can cross the border to be processed each day—a policy called “metering,” which was also used by the Obama…

Are You Also So Tired Like Joshua Trump?  Are You Also So Tired Like Joshua Trump? 

During the State of the Union address on Tuesday night, Joshua Trump, a sixth-grader meant to stand-in for the cruelty the Trump family believes it experiences from others, fell asleep:

Jezebel's Cry Time 2019 State of the Union Liveblog 

Tonight the president will hold his annual 90-minute racism commercial, as the Constitution intended. We will watch it together, for comfort and for safety (in case anyone faints from despair or a chip goes down the wrong pipe).

The State of Our Union Is Bong   The State of Our Union Is Bong  

Will you be reading our State of the Union liveblog at 9 p.m. eastern?

Welcome to the First Annual Jezebel Super Bowl Halftime Snack Competition

Picture yourself at a Super Bowl party hosted by a friend or relative: Maroon 5 is coming up, the people in the stands have hot dogs, traumatic brain injury, what is Sam’s boyfriend’s name again? Then you eat something. What are you eating?

Checking in With Our Billionaires  Checking in With Our Billionaires 

It’s Tuesday. Who’s crying?

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