Honeybunchesofgoats's posts - English uPOST

So, like, I may have gone nuclear on sow mother fucker. 

Like, scorched earth. They dead now.

Me, receiving an invite to some “all-Ivy” bar hop organized by Columbia alumni:

Texting everyone I know who didn’t go to an Ivy: “want to go bar hopping with some fake-Ivy people? Lmk”

People don’t deserve dogs. 

I’m dog sitting, and I never wanted to be that kind of person who liked animals more than people, but I’ve never met a person who I could give an ice cube to and they would think I’m the greatest fucking thing in the universe.

I joined a girl gang?

Well, shit. 

I’m hyper-social, and sometimes that’s a bad thing. 

I need people 24/7. I had a lot of salesmen in my family, and it’s kind of a game. Will everyone like me? Yes. Yes. They. Fucking. Will.

You know what’s nice about being old?

I move seamlessly between selling people in relationships and being a cock blocker, and I give zero fucks. 

I’ve been single for about a week. 

I have four dates in two weeks. And mostly I want to get back together with one of my exes, and I’d put my chances at 50/50. Sometimes being pretty sucks. 

Please explain. 

You can now buy an SVR in BRG, but it’s $4900 extra (worth, since that was the only reason I never fake configured SVRs). It’s not Range Rover and their frigging $15,000 BRG paint, but how is BRG a $500 option on most Jags, but $5k on an SVR?

I don’t like people. 

Everything I’ve ever done is predicated on getting on well with people. I come from a family of salesmen, and winning people over was drilled into me from a young age.Sometimes I pick a random person and think “we’re going to be friends now.” And we will. But, shit, I do not like people. On a fundamental level, I like…

My Ivy League ass drinking with a dude from a biker gang: “tell me more, please”

Internally: “Stop telling me more, that’s very illegal.”

Where does Oppo fall on fake badges if they’re car nerdy?

I saw a 5-Series today with the badge replaced by F10. At first glance I thought it was a fake B badge, but this seemed... kind of okay? I mean, it seems special to someone who doesn’t know BMWs, but enthusiasts would understand it, so I’m inclined to allow it.

Uggggggh. It’s like I’m a cop two weeks from retirement. 

I just want to live out my happy dipshit life, being me, a fairly happy dipshit. But yet. BUT YET. People can’t not be fuckers, and I have to use a life time of fuckertude to be a fucker. And it’s like, I don’t really get enjoyment out of being an asshole anymore, but sometimes people misinterpret that as “I can be a…


Tell me that’s not the best version of House of the Rising Sun. Really, let’s dance. 

It’s friday. I’m drunk. Ask me shit. Please. 

I’m bored and my girlfriend is asleep.

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