Billy Haisley's posts - English uPOST

The bracket was on their side, the memes were on their side, and even the sport, a creation of their very own, appeared to be in favor of the Brits. Unfortunately for them, football won’t be coming home, because Croatia beat England in their World Cup semifinal today by a score of 2-1.

Diehard Liverpool fan Ben Tollitt had the distinct pleasure of watching his beloved Pool Boys in person yesterday during a preseason friendly against Tranmere. In the match, the Reds’ beleaguered, error-prone keeper Loris Karius once again bungled a pretty routine save and gave up an easy goal. Tollitt was so dismayed…

Among the 22 players on the pitch during today’s World Cup semifinal that pit France against Belgium, there were a solid half dozen capable of explosive, awe-inspiring feats of greatness. Unfortunately, none of them were able to do anything terribly explosive or awe-inspiring, so France’s 1-0 win to send them to the…

What at first felt like the same sort of hyped-up salary negotiation process between Real Madrid and Cristiano Ronaldo we see almost every summer has just gotten real as hell. Real Madrid have now confirmed that, at Ronaldo’s request, they have agreed to transfer him to Juventus.

The chyron above the action would have you believe that this clip is from a USL match between North Carolina FC and the Charleston Battery, but if you can watch it and see anything other than a soccer-themed pinball machine, then your eyes work differently than mine:

Today, not long after their ignominious World Cup exit and the ignominious decision to fire their manager just days before the tournament kicked off, Spain have hired a new coach for the national team. Do you know his name? Lots of people who should know apparently don’t.

My god, what did we just watch. The game of the tournament, certainly, and probably one of the best matches in recent World Cup history. All I know for sure is that Belgium beat Brazil today, 2-1, in a quarterfinal that had all the intensity, insanity, momentum-swings, and amazing plays that make following this entire…

It’s been the tale of two keepers so far in this Uruguay-France World Cup quarterfinal. France are currently up 2-0, thanks in large part to this terrible bit of goalkeeping on the otherwise excellent Fernando Muslera’s part:

Following his team’s elimination from the World Cup at the hands of Brazil, Mexico manager Juan Carlos Osorio was worried about how Neymar’s histrionics might corrupt the next generation. Those fears were well-founded, it turns out, as this clip from a Swiss club’s youth soccer training session proves:

Coming into the knockout rounds, everything was lined up perfectly for England to make their deepest World Cup run in generations. Naturally, this set a countervailing force in motion, one that would see England do what they always do and choke in hilariously heartbreaking fashion. During today’s England-Colombia match…

Sweden and Switzerland combined to sully what has been an amazingly entertaining World Cup with a total borefest today that did little more than solidify how, without expertise at the apparently arcane art of kicking the ball good, soccer can sort of suck. Sweden won by a score of 1-0. Too bad both teams couldn’t have…

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Uruguay are the masters of ugly. Their style of play is defined by lining up 11 guys who want to sprint around for 90 minutes kicking the shit out of the ball and the opposition, taking the so-called beautiful game and shoulder-barging it into the muck and grime of the pitch, and trying to emerge from the ensuing chaos…

Yes.

For a solid hour, today’s France-Argentina match didn’t make a lick of sense. Then Kylian Mbappé up and decided to impose his own order on the proceedings, and that was that. France won by a deceptive scoreline of 4-3 that doesn’t at all communicate the level of French dominance on display.

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In today’s crucial group stage match between England and Belgium, the Brits narrowly managed to come out on top by coming out on bottom of a hard-fought 1-0 loss. With this phenomenal loss, England won entry to the much weaker side of the knockout round bracket, and now have a clear lane to the World Cup semifinal.

Senegal got knocked out of the World Cup this afternoon after they lost to Colombia by a score of 1-0. This is a bummer, because Senegal were one of the most entertaining and likable teams in the tournament. However, Senegal have no one to blame other than themselves for how things went down.

Coming into the World Cup, the big advantage Brazil had over supposed heavy favorites Germany (ha!) and Spain was the presence of a real-deal superstar. In an international tournament, where collective attacking intricacy is in short supply, an individual’s ability to take the ball from one side of the pitch all the…

Germany, the reigning champions of world soccer and one of the three huge favorites to win this World Cup, have been knocked out of the tournament at the group stage for the first time in history after losing to South Korea by a score of 2-0. This is absolutely insane.