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Deadspin Up All Night: Everything Is Fine Deadspin Up All Night: Everything Is Fine

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Bong bong.

MLS, Which Is Definitely Not A Ponzi Scheme, Wants To Expand By Adding Three New Teams For $200 Million Each MLS, Which Is Definitely Not A Ponzi Scheme, Wants To Expand By Adding Three New Teams For $200 Million Each

Are you: A) obscenely wealthy, B) in possession of or willing to form a soccer team domiciled in the U.S. or Canada, and C) looking for a foolproof way to take that soccer investment to the next level? If so, then boy, do I have great news for you!

Amateur MMA Fighter Beats Up Man Jerking Off In Front Of Her During Beach Photoshoot Amateur MMA Fighter Beats Up Man Jerking Off In Front Of Her During Beach Photoshoot

Brazilian mixed martial artist Joyce Vieira was posing for a swimsuit photoshoot on a Rio de Janeiro beach earlier this month when she noticed a nearby man staring at her with his penis out, masturbating. Vieira first tried using her words to get the creep to cut it out, but when diplomacy failed, she made use of her…

VAR Will Ruin Everything VAR Will Ruin Everything

Yesterday, millions around the world watched Raheem Sterling cap one of the wildest matches they will ever see with a stunning last-gasp winning goal, only to be told a minute or so later that it never happened.

Ajax Have Slain Cristiano Ronaldo, Giant Of The Champions League Ajax Have Slain Cristiano Ronaldo, Giant Of The Champions League

For only the second time in six seasons, Cristiano Ronaldo will not win the Champions League. For the first time in a decade, and only the second time in 13 years, he won’t even appear in one of the four semi-finals. Cristiano Ronaldo, the man who has loomed over the continent’s premier tournament like some giant of…

F.A. Panel Says Wayne Hennessey Is Too Stupid To Have Done Nazi Salute F.A. Panel Says Wayne Hennessey Is Too Stupid To Have Done Nazi Salute

No one could have been more delighted to hear that Crystal Palace goalkeeper Wayne Hennessey is apparently a huge idiot than Wayne Hennessey himself. That’s because the F.A. panel tasked with investigating a photo in which the Welsh keeper appeared to have been making a Nazi salute gesture cited that very stupidity as…

Deadspin Up All Night: Tus Bezos Y Tus Abrazos Deadspin Up All Night: Tus Bezos Y Tus Abrazos

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Let’s go.

Leeds Fan Breaks Ankle While Celebrating A Goal, Waits Until After The Game To Go To Hospital Leeds Fan Breaks Ankle While Celebrating A Goal, Waits Until After The Game To Go To Hospital

With a tight 1-0 home win over Sheffield Wednesday this weekend, Leeds United took a big step toward sealing promotion to the Premier League next season. In the explosion of joy following Jack Harrison’s 65th minute goal, one Leeds fan exploded his ankle during his raucous celebration, which required a surgery that…

Cristiano Ronaldo Is Like Clockwork Cristiano Ronaldo Is Like Clockwork

Cross the ball, head the ball, score a goal. It is the simplest tactic in soccer. It is what practically all teams resort to when the need for a goal is at its most dire. It is a strategy without frills or subtlety. When it works, it is nearly unstoppable. However, it very rarely works—rarely in a sustained way, at…

Tottenham Overcome Terrible Luck To Beat Manchester City Tottenham Overcome Terrible Luck To Beat Manchester City

Tottenham fans could be forgiven for believing that their club is cursed. It seems like Spurs somehow give up that one goal or lose that one game or suffer that one injury that consigns them to failure at the least convenient possible times, even during this miraculously successful spell under manager Mauricio…

Diego Costa Red Carded For Threatening To Poop On Referee's Mother Diego Costa Red Carded For Threatening To Poop On Referee's Mother

Luis Suárez and Lionel Messi each scored in Barcelona’s 2-0 win over Atlético Madrid on Saturday to all but mathematically seal the league title, but no one player did more to ensure Barça’s victory than Atleti’s Diego Costa, who got red carded early on in the match for literally talking shit about the referee’s mom.

Gerard Deulofeu May Not Be The Next Big Thing, But Try Telling Him That Gerard Deulofeu May Not Be The Next Big Thing, But Try Telling Him That

You might not think it from the look on his face, but the photo above depicts a man immediately after he scored a monumentally important goal. Or maybe, in the confidence of his statuesque pose—his expressionless and stationary presenting of himself to the crowd, the way it feels like he’s saying to the tens of…

Raúl Jiménez Finally Found A Place Where He Can Be The Hero Raúl Jiménez Finally Found A Place Where He Can Be The Hero

Yesterday, Premier League club Wolverhampton made Raúl Jiménez the most expensive Mexican player ever by paying a reported transfer fee of £30 million to make the on-loan striker’s move to the West Midlands permanent. The signing is a savvy one from Wolves’ perspective, as they get a proven goalscorer who has this…

Deadspin Up All Night: Wearing Gators To It Deadspin Up All Night: Wearing Gators To It

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Keep fucking around.

Italian Soccer's Latest Response To Racist Fan Behavior Is Embarrassing Italian Soccer's Latest Response To Racist Fan Behavior Is Embarrassing

The biggest story at Juventus today should be the whirlwind ascent of the baby-faced striker phenom, Moise Kean. Yesterday, the 19-year-old Italian of Ivorian descent scored the match-killing goal against Cagliari, his fourth goal in his last four games for club and country. And while Kean is indeed the biggest story…

Virgil van Dijk Didn't Slip Virgil van Dijk Didn't Slip

I don’t know who is going to win the Premier League this season. Manchester City should be slight favorites over Liverpool because of their better record and superior depth, but the margins separating the two clubs are so minute that it’s impossible to feel strongly one way or the other. What does seem clear about the…

Now Ole Gunnar Solskjær Has A Chance To Prove He's The Real Deal Now Ole Gunnar Solskjær Has A Chance To Prove He's The Real Deal

I’d bet there isn’t a person with decision-making power at Manchester United who saw this coming, other than maybe Ole Gunnar Solskjær himself. But here we are, with United rewarding Solskjær for his complete turnaround of what looked like a lost season by officially making him the club’s permanent manager today.

Even American Soccer Fandom Is Plagued By Pay-To-Play Even American Soccer Fandom Is Plagued By Pay-To-Play

If you had to point out a single factor that most contributes to the U.S.’s stunted development as a soccer nation, you could make a good case for pay-to-play as the culprit. Pay-to-play is the system that sections off the best youth coaching and competition and reserves it only for those who can afford to pay for it.…

MLB Suspends Giants CEO Larry Baer Without Pay For Physical Altercation With His Wife MLB Suspends Giants CEO Larry Baer Without Pay For Physical Altercation With His Wife

The MLB front office announced today that commissioner Robert Manfred has suspended San Francisco Giants CEO and minority owner Larry Baer until July 1 of this year—essentially half the baseball season—without pay for the altercation with his wife that was caught on video and published by TMZ earlier this month.

Inept Soccer Team Takes Fifty-Four (54) Shots And Scores Zero (0) Goals Inept Soccer Team Takes Fifty-Four (54) Shots And Scores Zero (0) Goals

Bolivian club Nacional Potosí hosted Venezuelan club Zulia last night in a Copa Sudamericana match, South America’s equivalent to the Europa League. Nacional had 79 percent possession of the ball and popped off a staggering 54 shots. Zulia took just six shots all night and completed just 47 percent of their passes.…

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