Billy Haisley's posts - English uPOST
Ousmane Dembélé Isn't Perfect For Barcelona, But He Is What They Need
It still isn’t entirely clear if Ousmane Dembélé truly fits in at Barcelona. He doesn’t seem to have level of technical mastery and precision required to thrive in Barcelona’s traditional playing style, and it’s yet to be determined whether it would be wise or even possible for him or Barça alter their natural games…
Deadspin Up All Night: Flavor Tropical
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Zip it up and zip it out.
Michael Bradley Might As Well Retire After Zlatan Ibrahimović Ethered Him
Zlatan Ibrahimović scored what might have been the greatest goal of his life last Saturday in the L.A. Galaxy’s game against Toronto FC. Somehow, that goal—the 500th of his career—might not have been the most ruthless thing he did that day.
Liverpool Righteously Owned PSG In A Champions League Classic
The first classic match of the new Champions League season came on the first day of the competition. Liverpool-PSG had everything: superstar forwards on both sides of the ball, anarchic attacks flying up and down the pitch, several goals, a wounded dick, and, maybe most importantly, a heart-stopping climax that handed…
Mauro Icardi's Gut-Punch Volley Made Tottenham Puke All Over Themselves
Even in this new Mauricio Pochettino era of success, Spurs haven’t fully cured their Spursiness. Over the past few years Tottenham have been at their most Spursy in the Champions League, and today’s tournament-opening match against Inter was no exception.
It's Now Or Never For Eden Hazard
Right now, Eden Hazard resides in perplexing plane of existence all his own. The boundaries of this plane are fuzzy and indefinite, but the simplest way to prove its unmistakable presence might be to consider the following question: Has Hazard been a disappointment?
Remember when Dimitri Payet came to the Premier League a few years ago, immediately set the world on fire by single-handedly transforming West Ham into must-see TV with his gasp-inducing talent and irrepressible flair, and then jilted all those new fans he’d earned right when we were starting to get used to his genius…
Spain Clobbered Croatia And Should Be Mad As Hell About It
World Cup failures Spain took on World Cup runners-up Croatia yesterday in a match in the new and sort of confusing UEFA Nations League. You might not totally get what the Nations League is (here’s a quick primer) but there are some things you should know about the Spain-Croatia match itself: 1) it was a legitimate…
France's World Cup Celebration Party Was Wonderfully Joyous
Yesterday, France beat the Netherlands in a fairly meaningless international match. While the match itself didn’t matter, it did have the distinction of being the first time the French national team had returned to their home stadium since this summer’s glorious World Cup victory. To commemorate the occasion, the team…
Nicklas Bendtner Decked A Cabbie And Broke His Jaw
Former Arsenal player and cult-favorite shithead Nicklas Bendtner famously once unbuckled his pants, rubbed his junk up against a taxi, and then spanked the presumably titillated but bewildered vehicle with his just-removed belt in a fit of anger aimed at the cab’s driver. On Sunday, Bendtner was once again made angry…
Dumbass Plan To Play La Liga Match In The U.S. Already Looks Like A Disaster
La Liga’s money-grubbing ploy to bring a league match to the U.S. every year always sounded like just about the stupidest idea imaginable. With each additional revelation about the deal, we’re getting a clearer picture of just how moronic and incompetent the plan and the planners behind it truly are.
Deadspin Up All Night: Or Just Plain Fade
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Moses Ali is the 79-year-old first deputy prime minister of Uganda. He is also enormously fat and wildly unathletic. Following in the footsteps of another politician who possessed a considerable girth and a dearth of athleticism, Ali embarrassed himself while trying to execute a routine physical motion at the Ugandan…
Inter Miami CF Continues MLS's Proud Tradition Of Barfy European Cosplay
David Beckham’s Mosaic trek through the American sports grifter desert as he seeks to realize his MLS team ownership dream has come another step closer to reality. We now know what to call this allegedly imminent franchise, and it’s a name as nauseatingly cosplayish as we’ve come to expect:
Usain Bolt Is A Soccer Player Now And He's Actually Not Terrible
Usain Bolt may have retired from track, but he hasn’t given up sports entirely. He is currently signed to a trial contract with the Central Coast Mariners, an Australia A-League team, trying to realize his dream of becoming a pro soccer player. He made his official debut in a preseason friendly last night, and…
There's Nothing Candid About LeBron's The Shop
When you’re watching porn, especially one of those gauzy-lensed sensual ones, you generally do not find yourself thinking, Boy, that porn star fellow must be quite the gentleman at home.
Deadspin Up All Night: Sprinkle Sprinkle
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PAOK scored the first goal of their Champions League qualifying match against a superior Benfica team off of a neat little coordinated free-kick routine. Watch the goal above, because it’s cool, and then ponder the following: What is it about free goals that have the big tough soccer boys afraid of a little innovation?
If you were to name a poster boy for the phenomenon of promising young talents who join the game’s richest clubs only to find themselves spending more time watching soccer than playing it, Javier Pastore would be a perfectly credible choice. Now, after finally deciding to step out from the bejeweled cage he’d happily…