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This Little Kid's Spinning Backheel Volley Goal Is Cooler Than Anything You've Ever Done In Your Life This Little Kid's Spinning Backheel Volley Goal Is Cooler Than Anything You've Ever Done In Your Life

I don’t think goals in Polish U11 futsal tournaments qualify for the Puskás Award, but if they did then this unreal dink from little Bartosz Kuśmierczyk would make for a hell of a contender:

Mamadou Sakho Is Crystal Palace's Dap Master

This video, in which Crystal Palace defender Mamadou Sakho walks around the team cafeteria casually rattling off a series of intricate and unique handshakes with eight different teammates, could only be improved if at the end manager Roy Hodgson walked up and the two pulled off the most complex one of all:

Players Like Sergio Ramos Are Why You Can Never Count Out Real Madrid Players Like Sergio Ramos Are Why You Can Never Count Out Real Madrid

Real Madrid were always going to struggle to cope with losing Cristiano Ronaldo last summer, and during the first half of a miserable season with only one notable bright spot, that challenge proved even tougher than most would’ve imagined. However, Real Madrid are still Real Madrid, winners of four of the last five…

Nobody Enjoyed PSG's Beatdown Of Manchester United More Than Ángel Di María

Manchester United hosted Paris Saint-Germain in the Champions League today. PSG winger Ángel Di María once enjoyed a brief and ignominious tenure at United. These two facts made for a predictably tetchy atmosphere at Old Trafford, with the United fans wanting to express their still simmering anger at their former…

Two Good Bayern Munich Fans Thwart A Dickhead's Attempted Jersey Thievery

A little Bayern Munich fan’s dream was almost dashed this weekend when defender Joshua Kimmich came over to toss the kid his jersey, only for a rude man to reach out and snag it. Thanks to the help of Kimmich and two other justice-minded fans nearby, though, the culprit was immediately shown the error of his ways and…

José Mourinho Eats Shit At Russian Hockey Game

Unemployed soccer manager José Mourinho is currently in Russia for some reason, and decided to take in a KHL game today. While performing the pre-game ceremonial puck drop, Mourinho managed to do in his first appearance on ice what it usually takes him three seasons to do when coaching a soccer team: he ate shit in…

Deadspin Up All Night: Bafuka Na Quench Deadspin Up All Night: Bafuka Na Quench

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Lionel Messi's Tap-In Completes The Platonic Ideal Of A Barcelona Goal

If you were to diagram out the most quintessentially Barcelona goal imaginable, you could do a lot worse than this tie-killing, overly intricate, senselessly gorgeous combination between about half the Barça team that saw Lionel Messi teed up to blast the ball into the net from point-blank range.

Tottenham Are A Fairy Tale In Search Of A Happy Ending Tottenham Are A Fairy Tale In Search Of A Happy Ending

When will Spurs quit messing around and finally win something? That is the question flying around North London like an arrow aimed at Mauricio Pochettino and Tottenham’s upper-management this week after the club fell out of both domestic cup competitions, succumbing to the injury crisis even the most optimistic Spurs…

Once Again, Neymar Might Be Fucked Once Again, Neymar Might Be Fucked

For Neymar, the events of the past week must feel like an especially haunting instance of déjà vu. Once again, the Paris Saint-Germain superstar came up lame in the middle of a match after a not especially horrific clash. Once again, further tests revealed the injury to be worse than it first seemed, yet another…

Bad Soccer Manager Suspended Five Months For Headbutting The Everloving Shit Out Of Opposing Coach

Giancarlo Favarin manages Italian third-tier club Lucchese. During a match against Alessandria on Sunday, he found himself in a spat with an assistant coach on the opposing side. In an effort to settle the dispute, Favarin rammed his massive, shiny forehead straight through the assistant’s nose:

Qatar Beat The Hell Out Of UAE And Then Got A Bunch Of Shoes Thrown At Them Qatar Beat The Hell Out Of UAE And Then Got A Bunch Of Shoes Thrown At Them

The UAE had big hopes this winter. The tiny Middle Eastern nation is hosting this month’s Asian Cup, and national team appeared to be on the brink of something special when they qualified for the semifinals against their hated rivals, Qatar. Then Qatar beat the shit out of them so badly today that the only respite…

At Least Real Madrid's Lost Season Has Given Us The Rise Of Vinícius At Least Real Madrid's Lost Season Has Given Us The Rise Of Vinícius

At just 18 years old, in his first season in Europe, Brazilian forward Vinícius Júnior has already carved out a significant role for himself in Real Madrid’s squad. His emergence as a valuable and now arguably a critical component of one of the best teams in the world happened way faster than anyone could’ve…

Notts County Owner Accidentally Tweets Dong Shot, Announces Intent To Sell Team, Says The Two Are Unrelated Notts County Owner Accidentally Tweets Dong Shot, Announces Intent To Sell Team, Says The Two Are Unrelated

Before this weekend, English businessman Alan Hardy owned both Notts County, a fourth-tier English soccer club, and a penis the vast majority of the world had never seen. After his accidentally revealing tweet on Sunday, both of those facts will need to be revised.

Some Peon Tries To Hurt Neymar, Gets Humiliated By Neymar

About an hour into Paris Saint-Germain’s Coupe de France match against Strasbourg yesterday, Neymar was clowning on his inferiors with his imperial dribbling skills, as is his wont. Strasbourg midfielder Moataz Zemzemi must’ve taken Neymar’s casual demonstration of superiority personally, because he then lashed out in…

Barcelona Signed Frenkie De Jong And Now Must Figure Out Who They Want Him To Be Barcelona Signed Frenkie De Jong And Now Must Figure Out Who They Want Him To Be

It is glaringly obvious that Dutch midfielder Frenkie de Jong is one of the most exciting prospects in world soccer today. While I and most others writing about him now, after the hotly contested courtship that involved pretty much all the game’s biggest clubs finally came to a close when Barcelona announced yesterday…

Cops: Wayne Rooney Speaking "Broken English" When Arrested For Public Intoxication Cops: Wayne Rooney Speaking "Broken English" When Arrested For Public Intoxication

We learned a couple weeks ago that Old Man Wayne Rooney got popped with a public intoxication charge at Dulles International Airport in December. What we didn’t know then was what exactly it was about the twisted-off-his-ass Rooney that attracted the cops’ attention. We do know now. And it involves him speaking in…

Woman Who Coaches Men's Soccer Team Responds To Sexist Question: "I Pick My Team On Dick Length" Woman Who Coaches Men's Soccer Team Responds To Sexist Question: "I Pick My Team On Dick Length"

In late December, German soccer club BV Cloppenburg handed the reins of their fifth-division men’s team to Imke Wübbenhorst, making her the first woman to coach a German men’s team at that high of a level. You could probably imagine some of the moronic questions Wübbenhorst has had to field in light of her new gig,…

Deadspin Up All Night: Stuck A Fork Through His Nuts Deadspin Up All Night: Stuck A Fork Through His Nuts

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