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Report: President Has Mushroom Dick  Report: President Has Mushroom Dick 

Stormy Daniels’s presidential tell-all Full Disclosure isn’t out yet, but the Guardian snagged a copy, which is why we now have a working description of Donald Trump’s dick.

Alleged Sexual Predator Undeterred by Allegations of Sexual Misconduct Against Brett Kavanaugh Alleged Sexual Predator Undeterred by Allegations of Sexual Misconduct Against Brett Kavanaugh

Please learn from my mistakes and stay off Twitter today and all days, my friends.

Roma Downy Injured During a Brawl Between Tom Arnold and Mark Burnett at an Emmys Party Roma Downy Injured During a Brawl Between Tom Arnold and Mark Burnett at an Emmys Party

I know that headlines have been resembling Mad Libs for the past two years or so, but one I saw on TMZ early Monday morning is one of the most ridiculous examples in some time. TWO CELEBRITIES: Tom Arnold, Mark Burnett. PAST TENSE VERB: Choked. EVENT: Emmy’s party. RESULT: TOM ARNOLD – MARK BURNETT CHOKED ME AT…

Everyone Gets a Book!  Everyone Gets a Book! 

If you’re in the path of that bich Florence please STAY SAFE!

These 6 Words in Bob Woodward's New Book Will Leave You Speechless  These 6 Words in Bob Woodward's New Book Will Leave You Speechless 

Buried in the index—and largely ignored by the many breathless reviews of Bob Woodward’s Fear: Trump in the White House—are perhaps the six most important words in the entire book:

D.C. Residents Trying to Revoke Trump Hotel's Liquor License Over Donald Trump's 'Amorality' [UPDATED] D.C. Residents Trying to Revoke Trump Hotel's Liquor License Over Donald Trump's 'Amorality' [UPDATED]

A group of Washington D.C. residents are trying to revoke the Trump International Hotel’s liquor license, which would mean that Trump’s cronies could no longer imbibe adult beverages or drunkenly pal around with their racist friends at the venue. It’s so stupid and petty and I love it.

Jared and Ivanka Play Op-Ed Detective  Jared and Ivanka Play Op-Ed Detective 

I too hate it when my enemies are talking publicly about how to bring me down.

I Am so Empowered by the Fact That Trump Thinks the Anonymous Op-Ed Writer Is a Woman I Am so Empowered by the Fact That Trump Thinks the Anonymous Op-Ed Writer Is a Woman

Donald Trump is a man who loves women, particularly how grabbable her pussy is.

At Least We Have Donald Trump on the Record Trying to Pronounce 'Anonymous' At Least We Have Donald Trump on the Record Trying to Pronounce 'Anonymous'

President Donald Trump was holding court at a rally in Montana Thursday evening where he of course tried to pan the anonymous review of him in the New York Times again, only this time it came out extra sloppy.

The Snakes Are Everywhere!  The Snakes Are Everywhere! 

On planes...in the woods...in the White House...

Rudy Giuliani Says He Was Not Asked for Comment on Whether or Not He's a Baby Wearing Diapers Rudy Giuliani Says He Was Not Asked for Comment on Whether or Not He's a Baby Wearing Diapers

Rudy Giuliani, a restless ghoul who haunts the White House, does not trust the New York Times or, for that matter, any piece of text. Must be hard.

'No Way': Melania Reportedly Refused to Appear at Trump's Side Following the Access Hollywood Tape 'No Way': Melania Reportedly Refused to Appear at Trump's Side Following the Access Hollywood Tape

Melania Trump refused to appear with husband Donald Trump in the wake of the infamous Access Hollywood tape, according to Bob Woodward’s book of oh-so-juicy White House intrigue and strife. Mostly strife. And yelling, lots of yelling.

Ivanka Trump and Steve Bannon Reportedly Had a Screaming Match  Ivanka Trump and Steve Bannon Reportedly Had a Screaming Match 

It has been a WILD day in Washington, lemme tell ya...

A Brief Taxonomy of When Protesting Should Be Allowed A Brief Taxonomy of When Protesting Should Be Allowed

Donald Trump, who loves free speech when the speeches are his own, wants to crush dissent again, if you can believe it. “I don’t know why they don’t take care of a situation like that,” Trump said during a Tuesday interview with the Daily Caller about the protesters who interrupted Brett Kavanaugh’s Senate…

David Hogg Got People to Donate $10K to Post Up a Giant Trump Ted Cruz Tweet in Texas David Hogg Got People to Donate $10K to Post Up a Giant Trump Ted Cruz Tweet in Texas

One of the only things I enjoyed about the 2016 presidential election was how much everyone fucking hated Ted Cruz. Somehow, even with the tonsil stones, Zodiac killer rumors, and Craig Mazin tweets about Cruz’s college masturbation habits, Cruz managed to stay in the Republican primary race until the very end. But…

Al Sharpton Drags Trump at Aretha Franklin's Homegoing

Rev. Al Sharpton’s fiery speech at Friday’s homegoing ceremony for Aretha Franklin in Detroit was an unquestionable highlight from the star-studded, multi-hour event. Sharpton spoke passionately about Franklin’s contributions to society, and black culture in particular:

Trump Plans to Cut All Aid To Major UN Palestinian Refugee Program Trump Plans to Cut All Aid To Major UN Palestinian Refugee Program

Thanks to the Trump administration’s penchant for unbridled cruelty, a major United Nations program aiding Palestinian refugees will no longer receive a penny of funding from the United States. This comes at a time when European and Arab countries are ramping up their support for the program.

Trump Hoped to Buy All the Dirt the National Enquirer Has Kept On Him Since the '80s Trump Hoped to Buy All the Dirt the National Enquirer Has Kept On Him Since the '80s

Remember that report about the National Enquirer having a literal safe full of Donald Trump-related stories it killed to protect him? Consider this part deux of the Trump Dirt in the Enquirer Vaults tale: The New York Times reports that prior to the 2016 election, Trump and his former lawyer Michael Cohen cooked up a…

Latinx Citizens Living Along the U.S.-Mexico Border Are Getting Their Passports Denied Latinx Citizens Living Along the U.S.-Mexico Border Are Getting Their Passports Denied

I, too, am mad that Google doesn’t promote my accomplishments more often.

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