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High-Kicking Madman Should Maybe Switch From Soccer To Taekwondo

Here we have yet another South American soccer player who apparently can’t differentiate between the kinds of kicks you use to score goals as Messi when playing FIFA and those you use to punt opponents’ heads off their bodies as Sub-Zero in Mortal Kombat:

Mohamed Salah Ate Roma Alive Mohamed Salah Ate Roma Alive

Midway through the process of finding the precise Hannibal reference to throw into a headline about how thoroughly Mohamed Salah had obliterated the Roman forces sent to Liverpool in today’s fantastic Champions League semifinal, Roma stormed back from what was a 5-0 deficit to seal for themselves a 5-2 result and made…

Liverpool Fans Get Rowdy, Hop On Police Vans Liverpool Fans Get Rowdy, Hop On Police Vans

After the madness of the post-apocalyptic scenes from Liverpool’s Champions League quarterfinal home leg against Manchester City, it’s hard to act surprised when a European night at Anfield results in some dangerously intense fan behavior. Liverpool’s festivities ahead of their semifinal against Roma weren’t any…

The Ballon d'Or Is Stupid, But Mohamed Salah Deserves To Win It Anyway The Ballon d'Or Is Stupid, But Mohamed Salah Deserves To Win It Anyway

If there’s any justice in the world, Mohamed Salah will be rewarded for his jaw-dropping, record-making, goal-packed, unforgettably great season with the highest individual award in the land, the Ballon d’Or.

Oh My God, Arsène Wenger Is Finally Out  Oh My God, Arsène Wenger Is Finally Out 

After 22 years at Arsenal’s helm, and less than a week after Arsenal’s latest embarrassing defeat—a 2-1 loss to Newcastle—beloved but increasingly beleaguered manager Arsène Wenger has announced he will leave the club at the end of the season, one year before his contract is set to expire. He said:

Soccer Player Tries To Beat His Manager's Ass For Subbing Him Out Of Game Soccer Player Tries To Beat His Manager's Ass For Subbing Him Out Of Game

We’ve all seen players stomp off the pitch in barely suppressed anger after their manager has subbed them out of a game. A far less common sight is a player communicating his post-subbing displeasure by walking off the pitch and straight over to the coach and attempting to kick his ass:

Idiot On The Pitch Tries To Tackle Ref, Fails Idiot On The Pitch Tries To Tackle Ref, Fails

Oldham Athletic was playing a match against Rochdale AFC Tuesday when the referee signaled a penalty for Rochdale after a trip in the box. One Oldham fan did what any sensible person would in that situation: He ran onto the pitch and tried to tackle the referee.

Goalkeeper Gives Up Very Dumb Goal After Forgetting Where He Kicked The Ball Goalkeeper Gives Up Very Dumb Goal After Forgetting Where He Kicked The Ball

League One side Shrewsbury Town dropped a 2-0 match to Charlton Athletic this afternoon, with the clincher coming right at the end of the second half. Shrewsbury keeper Dean Henderson tried to clear the rock out of his half, but instead he punted it into the air, lost track of it, and served up a tasty assist for Josh…

Enormous, Real-Life Bear Oversees Kickoff Of Russian Soccer Match Enormous, Real-Life Bear Oversees Kickoff Of Russian Soccer Match

Mascots are a common sight at soccer matches. Traditionally, these take the form of cute little children who escort the players onto the pitch to start a match. Sometimes, as was the case before a game in Russia this weekend, the cute little children are swapped out in favor of a huge fucking bear:

Referee Awards Penalty Kick During Halftime In Latest Video Replay Farce Referee Awards Penalty Kick During Halftime In Latest Video Replay Farce

If ever you needed evidence that even when video replay is right it can still be horribly wrong, yesterday’s Bundesliga match between Mainz and Freiburg should serve as just that.

Manchester City's Title Run Ends With A Wet Fart Manchester City's Title Run Ends With A Wet Fart

As the determiner of an ultimate champion, the soccer system is great. The table never lies and every match matters and you always know that, come the end of the long, grueling season, the team that stacked up the most points will hoist the trophy above their heads in front of their adoring fans with the singular joy…

Shocking Video Reveals That Ronaldo And Messi Have Different Personalities Shocking Video Reveals That Ronaldo And Messi Have Different Personalities

Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Lionel Messi. It’s an argument as old as time itself, with diehard fans of these two all-time greats throwing out stats and facts in support of their preferred candidate to make their case for superiority—Messianiacs pointing to his better scoring record, his better passing, his better dribbling…

Here Are The Champions League Semifinal Matchups Here Are The Champions League Semifinal Matchups

After a thrilling Champions League quarterfinal round that saw the threat of multiple enormous comebacks and one completed one, we now know who will play whom in the semifinal round for the right to compete for the European Cup in Kiev. The draw looks incredibly enticing.

Stadium Steward Has Organ Removed After Wayward Free Kick Murders His Spleen Stadium Steward Has Organ Removed After Wayward Free Kick Murders His Spleen

In a Serie A match on Sunday, Inter winger Antonio Candreva tried to send the ball screaming into the upper corner of Torino’s goal. Instead, he sent a stadium steward screaming into the hospital when his errant shot flew over the crossbar, smashed into the unsuspecting steward’s back, and ruptured his spleen.

Portugal Forward Jéssica Silva Is The Queen Of Filthy Nutmegs

Meet Jéssica Silva, forward for Spanish club Levante and the Portuguese national team. Last week, she made an appearance for Portugal in a Euro 2021 qualifier against Belgium. This gave her an opportunity to do what she does best, which is to absolutely ruin defenders with beautifully disgusting nutmegs:

Juventus Almost Pull Off Amazing Comeback Before Real Madrid Rip Out Their Hearts Juventus Almost Pull Off Amazing Comeback Before Real Madrid Rip Out Their Hearts

Everything was going perfectly for Juventus. After losing the first leg of their Champions League tie against Real Madrid at home last week, today they went to Madrid and flipped the script, somehow scoring three unanswered goals an hour into the match. Just seconds away from dragging the match into extra time where…

Chivas And New York Red Bulls Fans Get Into A Big Ole Brawl Chivas And New York Red Bulls Fans Get Into A Big Ole Brawl

The New York Red Bulls hosted Chivas Tuesday in some hot and heavy CONCACAF Champions League action, and it wound up being a shitty night for their fans. Not only did NYRB draw 0-0 and lose the two-leg series on aggregate, a bunch of fans also got into a big brawl with Chivas supporters. There were beers flying from…

Harry Kane's Baby Daughter Officially Safe After Premier League Gifts Her Dad A Free Goal Harry Kane's Baby Daughter Officially Safe After Premier League Gifts Her Dad A Free Goal

All the best strikers are maniacally obsessed with scoring goals. Everyone knows about this single-mindedness, and yet it can still be a little jarring to hear just how deep this drive goes. Like this weekend, when Harry Kane made his case that he’d gotten a touch on a goal that had been credited to a teammate by…

Here's What Roma's Barcelona-Beating Goal Sounded Like On Italian TV Here's What Roma's Barcelona-Beating Goal Sounded Like On Italian TV

An incredible comeback from Roma took down Barcelona today in the Champions League quarterfinals, as the Serie A side scored thrice at home in the second leg to beat Lionel Messi and friends on the away goals rule, 4-4.

Liverpool Better Go Win The Champions League Now Liverpool Better Go Win The Champions League Now

Manchester City and Liverpool are incapable of playing a boring match against each other. The presumptive Premier League champs have met Jürgen Klopp’s squad four times this year, and each time, it’s been wildly entertaining. City kicked things off with a five-goal blowout after Sadio Mané picked up a dumb red card, …

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