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No, It's Not Good News, It's Never Good News And Never Will Be Again No, It's Not Good News, It's Never Good News And Never Will Be Again

Here is a good technique: anytime this or that Trump stooge or Republican or conservative (they’re all the same thing, really) makes surprising headlines, and you find yourself wondering if they might have done it for reasons you can respect or admire or at least in which you might possibly vest some hope or optimism,…

Roger Goodell Thanks Toilet President For Tacking Canadian Super Bowl Ad Ruling Onto Trade Agreement Roger Goodell Thanks Toilet President For Tacking Canadian Super Bowl Ad Ruling Onto Trade Agreement

You may have to squint hard to follow along on this one: The commissioner of an American sports league thanked the American president for helping to overturn a Canadian regulatory rule that forced a Canadian broadcaster to show American advertisements during the Super Bowl, which is the signature American sporting…

It Will Surprise No One That Stormy Daniels Says Ben Roethlisberger Was Shitty To Her It Will Surprise No One That Stormy Daniels Says Ben Roethlisberger Was Shitty To Her

CNN has a copy of the upcoming Stormy Daniels book and reported today several stories in it—including one part where Daniels talks about an experience with Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger who, to the surprise of no one, was hanging out with Donald Trump in 2006 at a Lake Tahoe hotel.

Dead Letters: Special "What Donald Trump Supporters Are Like" Edition Dead Letters: Special "What Donald Trump Supporters Are Like" Edition

Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite reader mail. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors and writers are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

Yep, America's Worst Human Is Still President Yep, America's Worst Human Is Still President

Hey pals. How’s your morning been? Did your Breakfast Behemoth turn out okay? Here’s what the President of the United States has been up to:

Donald Trump Will Never Forget (To Say Dumb Shit About 9/11) Donald Trump Will Never Forget (To Say Dumb Shit About 9/11)

President Donald Trump, a person who is afraid of stairs, has long spewed mush-brain lies and bizarre boasts about everything, and that includes 9/11. Remember when he claimed he cleared rubble from Ground Zero, or the time he lied about seeing Muslims celebrating the Twin Towers falling, or when he said “hundreds” of…

Toilet President Goes Easy On Nike For Endorsing Colin Kaepernick: "They Pay A Lot Of Rent" Toilet President Goes Easy On Nike For Endorsing Colin Kaepernick: "They Pay A Lot Of Rent"

Hey, remember when the oven-baked ham in chief called NFL players who protest institutional racism and police brutality during pregame national anthem ceremonies sons of bitches, and said they should be fired? Remember how he’s humped that issue relentlessly, using it to lather up the worst dregs of his, uhh,…

Washington Post Op-Ed: John McCain Will Haunt Donald Trump Into Defeat From The Mirror Dimension Washington Post Op-Ed: John McCain Will Haunt Donald Trump Into Defeat From The Mirror Dimension

An increasingly prominent part of my life in 2018 is the urge to grab and cling onto anything that seems, even a little bit, like it might be the thing that Finally Defeats Donald Trump. No small portion of my day is spent managing my relationship to that urge, struggling against its downward pull, reminding myself…

Remember All Those Other Times The National Enquirer Squashed Scandals For Powerful People? Remember All Those Other Times The National Enquirer Squashed Scandals For Powerful People?

The New York Times reported yesterday that David Pecker, chairman of American Media Inc., which publishes the National Enquirer, has been granted immunity by the federal prosecutors investigating whether the president funneled hush money to women with whom he had affairs. Here’s how that worked, according to…

Does Anyone Remember Jim? Does Anyone Remember Jim?

In February of 2017, at some conservative event in Maryland, Donald Trump said that Paris was a ruined city because too many brown and black people live there now. (I’m giving you the gist.) He attributed this opinion to his friend “Jim,” a “very, very substantial guy.” Is this jogging your memory?

Toward A Working Theory Of What The Fuck Donald Trump Is Even Talking About Toward A Working Theory Of What The Fuck Donald Trump Is Even Talking About

The Mendocino Complex Wildfire is the largest fire in California’s history. It has burned more than 300,000 acres in Northern California to date and is one of 19 wildfires currently active in the state. The fire was big enough that, on Monday, President Donald Trump saw fit to briefly depart from his schedule of…

Michael Jordan Backs Away From President Trump With Limpest Possible Statement Michael Jordan Backs Away From President Trump With Limpest Possible Statement

Michael Jordan found himself unexpectedly dragged into President Trump’s latest absurd feud with a prominent black athlete, when the senile cable-haver in chief closed his Twitter outburst directed at Don Lemon and LeBron James with the petty exclamation “I like Mike!”

Angry Diaper President Lashes Out At LeBron James On Twitter Angry Diaper President Lashes Out At LeBron James On Twitter

Our idiot president spent his Friday night engaged in the extremely healthy and productive behavior we’ve all come to expect from the leader of the free world: watching cable news enough to get somehow dumber and angrier, and then picking a fight about it on Twitter.

Our Night-Blind President Our Night-Blind President

There are different degrees of being on vacation. There are the ones that involve unplugging all the way—smash your dumbass phone with a large flat rock, shred your passport, move to the woods for like six days, then come home and I guess shop for a new phone. There are the moderate, heavily hedged vacations in which…

Giants Co-Owner Burns Donald Trump, Says Giants Players Will Not Be Punished For Any Anthem Protests Giants Co-Owner Burns Donald Trump, Says Giants Players Will Not Be Punished For Any Anthem Protests

Giants co-owner Steve Tisch told The Hollywood Reporter this week that Giants players who demonstrate against police brutality and systemic racism during pregame national anthem ceremonies will not be punished by the organization, whatever ultimately happens to the NFL’s increasingly dumb-looking anthem rule:

Finally, Here's The All-Borat Episode Finally, Here's The All-Borat Episode

When we recorded this Deadcast, Sacha Baron Cohen’s Who Is America had yet to premiere. To the extent that we or our extra-lanky returning guest Patrick Redford knew anything about the show, it was through a series of brief promotional videos in which Cohen himself didn’t even appear, although it seemed safe to assume…

All The Controversy In The World Can't Stop NFL Revenue From Hitting A New All-Time High All The Controversy In The World Can't Stop NFL Revenue From Hitting A New All-Time High

Amid all the hand-wringing and propagandizing over the damage done to the NFL’s popularity by player protests during pregame national anthem ceremonies, the important available numbers continue to paint a picture of a league that is invulnerable to controversy. The NFL’s ratings are up in relation to general TV…

Donald Trump Pauses Historically Embarrassing Press Conference To Toss A Soccer Ball At His Wife

Donald Trump just finished up a joint press conference with Russian president Vladimir Putin, during which he has stopped just short of offering to lay down on the stage and suck Putin’s toes. He also interacted strangely with a soccer ball before bouncing it in the direction of his wife:

Report: Trump's Supreme Court Nominee Blames Massive Credit Card Debt On Nationals Season Tickets Report: Trump's Supreme Court Nominee Blames Massive Credit Card Debt On Nationals Season Tickets

In a truly troubling sign of poor judgment, Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh says he racked up huge sums of credit card debt purchasing season tickets to watch the chronically disappointing Washington Nationals play baseball in their charmless stadium year after year:

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