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Orioles Catcher Caleb Joseph Wants All His Teammates To Think About How Badly They Suck Orioles Catcher Caleb Joseph Wants All His Teammates To Think About How Badly They Suck

The​ Orioles​ have won 43 games this season. They’ve lost 107. They are tied with the 1988 team for most losses in franchise history. Given all this, it’d be bigger news if players weren’t talking about how much the team sucks, but catcher Caleb Joseph, who’s been with the organization since he was drafted in 2008,…

Was This Raccoon Witch Cursing The Baltimore Orioles? An Investigation Was This Raccoon Witch Cursing The Baltimore Orioles? An Investigation

The Baltimore Orioles came into Wednesday night a horrendous 52.5 games out of first place in the AL East, and an equally shocking and horrifying 40.5 games back of the AL Wild Card. All of that sucking and losing happened before 8:33 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, when it was announced that this devious raccoon had…

Whatever Caleb Joseph Was Doing On This Home-Plate Play, It Didn't Work Whatever Caleb Joseph Was Doing On This Home-Plate Play, It Didn't Work

With two outs in the top of the fifth in today’s game between the last-place Orioles and the Yankees, Baltimore catcher Caleb Joseph tried to score from first base on a double, but he was out by a mile. As Yankees catcher Austin Romine squared up in front of the plate to make the tag, Joseph went to slide, but then…

Adam Jones Wouldn't Let The Orioles Trade Him, Is Awesome Adam Jones Wouldn't Let The Orioles Trade Him, Is Awesome

It’s no secret that the Baltimore Orioles are, uh, resetting. Over the past month they’ve had the big Manny Machado deal, and yesterday the team traded three more veterans: Jonathan Schoop, Darren O’Day, and Kevin Gausman. It might have been four, but Adam Jones, the longtime face of the club, decided he’d rather stay…

Outfielder Carlos Gomez Takes Mound, Pitches Exactly Like Non-Pitcher

The position-player-as-pitcher trend continues piling up numbers at a record pace. Three more position players took the mound Friday night; the total across MLB is now up to 45, by far the most ever for a full season, and it’s still July. One of the recent unfortunate fellows was Rays outfielder Carlos Gomez, who…

The Dodgers Have Won The Manny Machado Sweepstakes, Finally The Dodgers Have Won The Manny Machado Sweepstakes, Finally

Manny Machado is heading west. USA Today’s Bob Nightengale reported yesterday that the Baltimore Orioles had the framework of a deal in place to trade Machado to the Dodgers for a bushel of prospects, and the trade finally went through today after a “brief medical blip” caused both parties to stay at the negotiating…

There's A New Co-Leader In The Manny Machado Sweepstakes There's A New Co-Leader In The Manny Machado Sweepstakes

Manny Machado homered in his first-at bat, his 24th of the year, and then left the game after the fourth inning, because of wet grass following a rain delay. Baltimore manager Buck Showalter said, without outright saying, what we all know: that Machado is currently more valuable to the Orioles on the bench and healthy…

Manny Machado Is Smashing Dongs Against The Yankees While He Still Has The Chance Manny Machado Is Smashing Dongs Against The Yankees While He Still Has The Chance

Orioles shortstop Manny Machado is very likely going to be out of Baltimore by the end of the month, and if you believe the whispers, the Yankees are one of the teams that badly want to trade for him. For now, though, as the Yanks battle the Orioles at Camden, Machado remains an enemy of all that is pinstriped, and…

Yes, The Yankees Are In On Manny Machado Yes, The Yankees Are In On Manny Machado

The Yankees and Orioles split a doubleheader in Baltimore on Monday, but the games were almost a sideshow—after all, we know what’s going to happen in the standings: one team is bound for the playoffs and one team the cellar. No, the real story is the sudden and curious entrance of the Yankees into the Manny Machado…

The Manny Machado Sweepstakes Is Raging The Manny Machado Sweepstakes Is Raging

Manny Machado turned 26 on Friday; he is in the prime of his career, and he is having the best season of his life. The Baltimore Orioles have the worst record in baseball, and not much hope of being better any time soon. It seems certain that by the end of this month—maybe even by the end of this week—Machado will be…

The Orioles Finally, Mercifully Shelved Chris Davis The Orioles Finally, Mercifully Shelved Chris Davis

It appears the Orioles will not, in fact, let Chris Davis have the worst season in baseball history. Davis hasn’t played this week, and Friday night Orioles manager Buck Showalter reportedly indicated there’s no timetable for his return. This news is less happy than, say, news of Davis breaking out of his slump with a…

What I Found At The Bottom Of My Father's Huge Collection Of Baseball Stuff What I Found At The Bottom Of My Father's Huge Collection Of Baseball Stuff

“Did he still have The Brooks Room?” one of my dad’s old friends asked me at his wake last July. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard the question that day. The Brooks Room was what his friends called the small basement room in Queens where he kept his collection of baseball cards, programs, figures, pins, bobblehead…

Are The Orioles Going To Let Chris Davis Have The Worst Season Ever? Are The Orioles Going To Let Chris Davis Have The Worst Season Ever?

Orioles first baseman Chris Davis is in real danger of having the worst season in the history of baseball. That’s not a joke or hyperbole. He’s playing unbelievably, historically bad baseball:

Giancarlo Stanton Blesses Bachelorette Party With Healthy Dong

Giancarlo Stanton viciously smote a poor baseball into the right field stands in Camden Yards Saturday, where it was gathered by the overjoyed members of a bachelorette party wearing “Team Bride” hats:

Andrew Cashner Might Be Better At Hacky Sack Than Pitching

Save for the almost-nightly Manny Machado dinger, things are going horrifically wrong in Baltimore. Any twisted soul who’s still keeping up with this team would be wise to hang onto whatever fleeting moments of joy roll around—like Andrew Cashner kicking this comebacker from White Sox second baseman Yolmer Sánchez off…

Buck Showalter Will Not Yield For Your Home Run Trot

A three-run dinger from Xander Bogaerts gave his Red Sox a 6-0 lead and chased Orioles pitcher Kevin Gausman in the fifth inning of tonight’s game. While Gausman himself couldn’t have been thrilled with his mistake, O’s manager Buck Showalter appeared even more disgusted, as he couldn’t even restrain himself until…

Royals Assault Defenseless Orioles Pitcher With Barrage Of First-Inning Dongs Royals Assault Defenseless Orioles Pitcher With Barrage Of First-Inning Dongs

Orioles pitcher Dylan Bundy had a very short Tuesday night start against the Royals, but his outing was anything but merciful. Bundy marked himself with the dreaded infinity ERA by failing to record an out in the first inning as Kansas City smashed dong after dong, scoring seven runs on Bundy off homers from Jorge…

The Final Installment Of The Engelb Vielma Tracker, Featuring The Greatest Anagrammed Hits The Final Installment Of The Engelb Vielma Tracker, Featuring The Greatest Anagrammed Hits

Many—most?—Orioles games feel vaguely pointless right now. The end result is usually clear before the game is underway, and while there’s plenty of different ways for the team to reach that result, those differ only in substance rather than sentiment. It’s all going to be pretty depressing. This was especially true in…

A Very Special Edition Of The Engelb Vielma Tracker: Let Viable Man Single! A Very Special Edition Of The Engelb Vielma Tracker: Let Viable Man Single!

The Engelb Vielma tracker is back, and this time it holds some excellent news for the utility infielder. When we left the 23-year-old last week, he had been sent down to Triple-A. But he was called back up to join Baltimore’s big-league club yesterday, and today—well, today, he got his first hit.

Pedro Alvarez Clotheslines Teammate Chance Sisco

The Orioles are the worst team in the American League by record—8-20, tonight’s ongoing game against the Angels not included—and by just about everything else, too. (See: a collective OPS of .673.) Here’s a play from tonight that sums all that up pretty well: Pedro Alvarez running into Chance Sisco and laying the poor…

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