White Sox Sign Shitty Player

Tim Marchman 03/18/2019 at 13:07. 0 comments
Hot Fucking Stove Chicago White Sox Mlb Baseball Blight Sox

The Chicago White Sox did their part to keep the hot stove warm enough that you could put an oven mitt on it, then come back 10 minutes later to find it mildly toasty and perhaps worthy of being ranked as a warmth , by announcing the signing of shitty outfielder Jon Jay today.

Jay, who will be making $4 million on a one-year deal, has hit .272/.340/.351 since 2015, good for an 86 OPS+; per Baseball Reference he’s been good for 2.8 wins above replacement over that time period. He is reportedly also a friend of Manny Machado, a good player the Sox are trying to sign to a free-agent deal; the signing follows up on the Sox’s trade for Machado’s brother-in-law Yonder Alonso, who also sucks ass.

Sox general manager Rick Hahn bizarrely claimed that the team had been trying to acquire the shitty player for years, unconvincingly disavowing any suggestion that he’s just filling the lineup with Machado cronies in a sad attempt to convince the actually good player that the Sox, who are bad and not worth his time, are willing to, in addition to paying him lots of money, institutionally degrade themselves to make him happy:

In other transaction news, the Sox designated shitty outfielder Charlie Tilson, who somehow ran up a -0.9 WAR in 121 plate appearances last year, for assignment. The moves follow the signing of reliever Kelvin Herrera, who has struggled with forearm, rotator cuff, and foot issues over the last two years, but claims, per The Athletic, to feel “good” and “strong.”

Disclosure: The author of this piece has been provided Gordon Beckham’s used footwear by the Chicago White Sox, and has been sent a Hawk Harrelson alarm clock by a White Sox enthusiast. His opinions are his own. 

HighResolutionMusic.com - Download Hi-Res Songs

1 CHVRCHES

Here With Me flac

CHVRCHES. 2019. Writer: Steve Mac;Martin Doherty;Marshmello;Lauren Mayberry;Iain Cook.
2 5 Seconds Of Summer

Who Do You Love flac

5 Seconds Of Summer. 2019. Writer: Andrew Taggart;Talay Riley;Oak;Sean Douglas;Luke Hemmings;Calum Hood;Ashton Irwin;Michael Clifford;Trevorious;Zaire Koalo.
3 Bonn

No Sleep flac

Bonn. 2019. Writer: Albin Nedler;Bonn;Martin Garrix.
4 Katy Perry

365 flac

Katy Perry. 2019. Writer: Zedd;Katy Perry;Caroline Ailin;Corey Sanders;Daniel Davidsen;Cutfather;Peter Wallevik.
5 Jonas Brothers

Sucker flac

Jonas Brothers. 2019. Writer: Kevin Jonas;Joe Jonas;Nick Jonas;Ryan Tedder;Louis Bell;Frank Dukes.
6 Alan Walker

Are You Lonely flac

Alan Walker. 2019.
7 DEAMN

Happy flac

DEAMN. 2019.
8 P!nk

Walk Me Home flac

P!nk. 2019. Writer: P!nk;Scott Harris;Nate Ruess.
9 Louis Tomlinson

Two Of Us flac

Louis Tomlinson. 2019. Writer: Bryn Christopher;Andrew Jackson;Duck Blackwell;Louis Tomlinson.
10 Brooks

Better When You're Gone flac

Brooks. 2019. Writer: David Guetta;Emma Lov Block;Ido Zmishlany;Jackson Foote;Jeremy Dussolliet;Brooks.
11 LSD

No New Friends flac

LSD. 2019. Writer: Labrinth;Sia;Diplo;King Henry;Jr. Blender.
12 Anitta

R.I.P flac

Anitta. 2019.
13 Ariana Grande

Needy flac

Ariana Grande. 2019. Writer: Tayla Parx;TBHits;Victoria Monét;Ariana Grande.
14 Fall Out Boy

I've Been Waiting flac

Fall Out Boy. 2019. Writer: Andy Hurley;Patrick Stump;Pete Wentz;Joe Trohman;Lil Peep;​iLoveMakonnen.
15 Thomas Rhett

Look What God Gave Her flac

Thomas Rhett. 2019. Writer: Thomas Rhett;Rhett Akins;Julian Bunetta;John Ryan;Jacob Kasher;Ammar Malik.
16 Epik High

Sleepless flac

Epik High. 2019.
17 Ariana Grande

Imagine flac

Ariana Grande. 2019. Writer: JProof;Priscilla Renea;Happy Perez;Andrew "Pop" Wansel;Ariana Grande.
18 Avril Lavigne

Crush flac

Avril Lavigne. 2019. Writer: Johan Carlsson;Avril Lavigne;Zane Carney.
19 Avril Lavigne

Dumb Blonde flac

Avril Lavigne. 2019. Writer: Mitch Allan;Bonnie McKee;Nicki Minaj;Avril Lavigne.
20 Dagny

Hit Your Heart flac

Dagny. 2019. Writer: Steve Aoki;Gazzo;Nick Hodgson;Dagny.

Suggested posts

Other Tim Marchman's posts

Language