NFL Picks Maroon 5 For Super Bowl in America's Biggest Black Music Scene Because... Of Course

Michael Harriot just a moment. 0 comments
Black Music Atlanta Super Bowl NFL Maroon 5 Super Bowl Halftime Show

In keeping with its trend of appeasing fans who believe God so loved the world he gave us his only begotten son whose name is either Tom Brady or Donald Trump, the National Football League decided to overlook the 1,203,034 musical acts in Atlanta, Ga. and announced that Maroon 5 will perform at halftime of Super Bowl LIII.

I don’t even know who Liii is (probably a girl from Atlanta whose real name is Leah but she became a vegan, started listening to Erykah Badu, went on a natural hair journey and changed her name), but Rolling Stone reports that February’s Super Bowl Halftime Show in the ATL will be headlined by Maroon 5, the musical act best known for its daring combination of the number of good songs they made with the most boring color on the planet.

We must first say that there is nothing wrong with Maroon 5. In fact, Adam Levine has a really good voice and they are perfectly fine. They even let a black guy join the group in 2010. I like their two ditties “Hey Soul Sister” and “Drops of Jupiter.” They really make me think of ...

Wait. I’m being told that those songs were actually made by Train, which can’t be right because I watched Soul Train every week and I’m pretty sure Don Cornelius doesn’t sing. Maybe he was a backup vocalist.

Anyway, the song “I’m Yours” is some of Maroon 5's finest work. Huh? That’s Jason Mraz? Are you sure he’s not in Maroon 5? How about thier huge hit “Virtual Insanity?” Nah, bruh. I’m pretty sure “Jamiroquai” is just a Swahili word that means “Maroon 5!”

OK, well I know they made that collaboration with Jay-Z called “Suit & Tie,” which is technically sung by Justin Timberlake, who I’m pretty sure is just the Great Value version of Adam Levine.

But, for the sake of this article, let’s pretend that you’ve heard a song by Maroon 5 that you’ve liked. The point is, that when children are born inside the city limits of Atlanta, the parents are legally obligated to sign a 2 album deal along with the birth certificate. Atlanta is arguably the hottest music scene in the country right now and I’m not saying the NFL should have booked Young Thug, Gucci Mane or Migos, but there are a billion artists from the city who are more well-known than the burgundy quintuplet.

Usher performed along with the Black Eye Peas in 2011, which is like asking Beyonce to make a cameo and sing “Formation” while Coldplay is headlining. (Oh shit! I forgot they even did that!) Usher would turn the Georgia Dome out, and you wouldn’t have to give him any gas money. Maybe some cold sore ointment, but that’s it.

How about asking Lil Jon to home out there to holler for 10-15 minutes? I don’t know what the fuck he be talking about but he would get the audience crunk. And Childish Gambino is the biggest star in the world not named Beyonce or Cardi B. How about him? As long as he didn’t take his shirt off and we didn’t have to see his chest again, we’d be fine! Donald Glover literally has a show named Atlanta but he somehow slipped your mind?

You could even do an old-school ATL reunion with two-thirds of Jagged Edge, 112, three-fourths of Xscape, two-thirds of TLC, eight-thirteenths of Arrested Development, and the foremother of mumble rap, mumble singer Toni Braxton. The youth could learn about good music and learn their fractions!

Since we’re talking about the kids, did you even consider a “Lil/Young” halftime featuring Lil’ Yachty, Young Thug, Lil’ Scrappy, Young Jeezy, Lil’ Jon, Young Joc and we could throw in the Ying Yang Twins for good measure (I’m pretty sure they can’t spell their names, anyway).

Or how about an Outkast reunion? I’m not even watching the NFL this season but if you brought back Andre Three Stacks and Big Boi, I’d tune in. The Goodie Mob, Janelle Monae and Erykah Badu could do songs too.

But you chose Maroon 5.

Again, I have nothing against the color crimson or the number 5. I’m just saying that Atlanta is blackity-black and overrun with good music. Were you afraid someone might kneel?

But I guess I can’t complain since I’m not watching the NFL anyway. I guess I won’t have to see Maroon 5, although I quite enjoyed their hit tune “Radioactive.”

Oh, that’s Imagine Dragons?

I’m just saying, though... - Download Hi-Res Songs


Kiss And Make Up flac

BLACKPINK. 2018. Writer: Soke;Kny Factory;Billboard;Chelcee Grimes;Teddy Park;Marc Vincent;Dua Lipa.
2 Martin Garrix

Access flac

Martin Garrix. 2018. Writer: Martin Garrix.
3 Martin Garrix

Yottabyte flac

Martin Garrix. 2018. Writer: Martin Garrix.
4 Dyro

Latency flac

Dyro. 2018. Writer: Martin Garrix;Dyro.
5 Martin Garrix

Waiting For Tomorrow flac

Martin Garrix. 2018. Writer: Pierce Fulton;Mike Shinoda;Martijn Garritsen;Brad Delson.
6 Alan Walker

Diamond Heart flac

Alan Walker. 2018. Writer: Alan Walker;Sophia Somajo;Mood Melodies;James Njie;Thomas Troelsen;Kristoffer Haugan;Edvard Normann;Anders Froen;Gunnar Greve;Yann Bargain;Victor Verpillat;Fredrik Borch Olsen.
7 Bradley Cooper

Shallow flac

Bradley Cooper. 2018. Writer: Andrew Wyatt;Anthony Rossomando;Mark Ronson;Lady Gaga.
8 Cardi B

Taki Taki flac

Cardi B. 2018. Writer: Bava;Juan Vasquez;Vicente Saavedra;Jordan Thorpe;DJ Snake;Ozuna;Cardi B;Selena Gomez.
9 Halsey

Without Me flac

Halsey. 2018. Writer: Halsey;Delacey;Louis Bell;Amy Allen;Justin Timberlake;Timbaland;Scott Storch.
10 Sia

I'm Still Here flac

Sia. 2018. Writer: Sia.
11 Lady Gaga

I'll Never Love Again flac

Lady Gaga. 2018. Writer: Benjamin Rice;Lady Gaga.
12 Blinders

Breach (Walk Alone) flac

Blinders. 2018. Writer: Dewain Whitmore;Ilsey Juber;Blinders;Martin Garrix.
13 Dewain Whitmore

Burn Out flac

Dewain Whitmore. 2018. Writer: Dewain Whitmore;Ilsey Juber;Emilio Behr;Martijn Garritsen.
14 Bradley Cooper

Always Remember Us This Way flac

Bradley Cooper. 2018. Writer: Lady Gaga;Dave Cobb.
15 Avril Lavigne

Head Above Water flac

Avril Lavigne. 2018. Writer: Stephan Moccio;Travis Clark;Avril Lavigne.
16 Mako

Rise flac

Mako. 2018. Writer: Riot Music Team;Mako;Justin Tranter.

Fingers flac

ZAYN. 2018. Writer: Zayn Malik;Alex Oriet;David Phelan.
18 Billie Eilish

When The Party's Over flac

Billie Eilish. 2018. Writer: Billie Eilish;FINNEAS.
19 Kelsea Ballerini

This Feeling flac

Kelsea Ballerini. 2018. Writer: Andrew Taggart;Alex Pall;Emily Warren.
20 Zara Larsson

Ruin My Life flac

Zara Larsson. 2018. Writer: Delacey;Michael Pollack;Stefan Johnson;Jordan Johnson;Sermstyle;Jackson Foote.

Suggested posts

Other Michael Harriot's posts