What do the hip, cool white supremacists wear when their white hoods and Klan robes are at the dry cleaners stained with Negro blood and it’s too hot at the rally to wear those thick, wool Hugo Boss-designed Nazi uniforms? Simple. They wear the widely accepted costume recommended by 4 out of 5 white nationalists:
A plain white polo and khakis.
Unlike those clunky Klan robes, the white polo is form-fitting enough to show off those muscles earned from repeated “Heil, Hitler” salutes and carrying crosses to burn. Plus, as we learned in a GQ article by documentarian C.J. Hunt, when you’re shitting-in-your-pants scared, the white power polo slips off much easier than an SS blazer.
This white boy, clad in his best “alt-right” rags, was tough as hell until he was chased off by a group of anti-fascists who weren’t having that shit. Aiden (not his real name) was probably pissing in his pants, yelling “Fuck, fuck fuck fuck” as he ran into the street and raised his hands.
As soon as Timmy (not his real name) got in front of a police vehicle, he yanked off his shirt, revealing a pasty-white torso the color and consistency of biscuit dough. “I’m not really white power man, I just came here for some fun ... fuck,” he pleaded as his undefined bird chest thumped from fear. “I’m sorry.”
“You can’t just take your costume off,” Hunt said as Chadwick (still not his real name) tried to catch his breath. Bradford (nope ... still not) picked up his stuff as the cops told him to move, wearing only his militant white power boots, khaki shorts and shame.
“What happened,” Hunt asked, to which Tanner (not his ... nigga, you know by now!) replied, “They scared the shit out of me.” He explained that he was “barely” a real white supremacist and that it was “kind of a fun idea... just being able to say ‘Hey man, white power.’”
Tucker (which might actually be his real name—because in a 2014 study never conducted at Harvard University, researchers found that 42 percent of all certified fuckboys are named Chase or Tucker—but I can’t verify it) wandered around the counterprotest for a while with his shirt off. But when asked if he would put it back on, he laughed and replied: “Not to be offensive, but it’s fun” (because every sentence that begins with “Not to be offensive, but ...” is sure to be offensive).
This is the privilege of whiteness: The ability to hide in numbers. The ability to oppress others even though you are a jack-shit coward. The idea that you are supreme to another human being while lacking empathy, courage or common decency.
All white supremacists are cowards. You wanna know how you can tell? Have you ever seen a guy in a Klansman uniform by himself at Walmart? Have you ever been called a nigger by anyone within punching distance? Why don’t they just wear a swastika to a synagogue?
White privilege is screaming racial epithets and then slipping into anonymity. It is an average white wimp believing he is better than anyone because of the color of his fluorescent-bulb-colored skin. It is fighting a treasonous war, getting your ass kicked and still believing you deserve a statue in your memory.
That was beautiful. That was everything we always thought these white nationalists really were. Thanks for the laugh, you cowardly, yellow-bellied dickwad (yes, that is his real name). We needed that.
Watch the video below: